Gossiping on the couch

2/3 exams finished! My last one, which is science, is tomorrow which I should really be studying for, but I have the oddest technique. I can only study at night, the hours right before I go to bed and then once I’m done I have to sleep right away. No reading books, no watching tv, no going on the internet. I might text people for a bit before I turn off the lights, but otherwise I can’t do anything else. Right after my french exam today all I’ve done is go online, tried to write, knit and drawn some pictures while I’ve been watching nonstop episodes of Gossip Girl, season 1.

I’ve got this weird mind where when I think at home it builds up my confidence and then when I get to school and in public I completely forget about my advice to myself. I’m just realizing (well not just that I could be so much more outgoing and all that with people if I just didn’t care. If I didn’t care what people thought of me. But that’s so hard to remember and that’s a huge problem. I mean, I keep reminding myself that I’m most likely never going to encounter these people in high school ever again. There’s a chance, yes, but not extremely likely. God, and I’m being a horrible person because I want to make new friends because some of the friends I have aren’t exactly fun to hang out with. And my best friend has friends and a boyfriend who she hangs out with all the time and she always takes me along with them, but it’s not the same because I don’t know them as well as she does. Then again, it was because of her that I met my other extremely good friend, so maybe that will happen again.

Really times are so stressful right now when they shouldn’t be. Oh, and I really want to get a job. I already have one, but I only work once a week and I’d love to get another one because I’m short on money (kind of). And I want to be busier. I had this one day during the break where I was constantly doing something. There was never any time when I wasn’t doing something and now I understand my best friend. She always has to be doing something. She hates having no plans or not doing anything and she always has to be hanging out with someone or just a packed schedule to say the least. And then that one day I completely realized how she felt. I was at her house actually the day before and I slept over at her house. That packed day I left her house around noon and went hiking in the woods with my mom, brother, aunt and uncle for a while. Got back, ate and drank some tea while discussing books I believe. After we went swimming (great exercising this whole day, yes!) and had dinner after. Baking an apple pie was next up after eating dinner (which, btw, was my favourite kind of fish) and then we watched my favourite movie, Super 8 and went to bed well after midnight. Usually I come home and spend the day doing mindless things. Mostly wasting it on the internet, tumblr and facebook will honestly make me fat and unhealthy. It’s not healthy! And I’d like to stop it and do something useful. I mean, knitting took a bit of the useless out of my hobbies, however I knit in front of the tv, so that kind of backfires.

Oh and since I am watching Gossip Girl while I am writing this I’m getting a huge urge to do fashion. Love fashion and I would totally get into the industry (and the art industry), but I’m not extremely creative and basically, I copy things. Oh another reason for me wanting to get a job. To get enough money to actually shop.