Gossiping on the couch

2/3 exams finished! My last one, which is science, is tomorrow which I should really be studying for, but I have the oddest technique. I can only study at night, the hours right before I go to bed and then once I’m done I have to sleep right away. No reading books, no watching tv, no going on the internet. I might text people for a bit before I turn off the lights, but otherwise I can’t do anything else. Right after my french exam today all I’ve done is go online, tried to write, knit and drawn some pictures while I’ve been watching nonstop episodes of Gossip Girl, season 1.

I’ve got this weird mind where when I think at home it builds up my confidence and then when I get to school and in public I completely forget about my advice to myself. I’m just realizing (well not just that I could be so much more outgoing and all that with people if I just didn’t care. If I didn’t care what people thought of me. But that’s so hard to remember and that’s a huge problem. I mean, I keep reminding myself that I’m most likely never going to encounter these people in high school ever again. There’s a chance, yes, but not extremely likely. God, and I’m being a horrible person because I want to make new friends because some of the friends I have aren’t exactly fun to hang out with. And my best friend has friends and a boyfriend who she hangs out with all the time and she always takes me along with them, but it’s not the same because I don’t know them as well as she does. Then again, it was because of her that I met my other extremely good friend, so maybe that will happen again.

Really times are so stressful right now when they shouldn’t be. Oh, and I really want to get a job. I already have one, but I only work once a week and I’d love to get another one because I’m short on money (kind of). And I want to be busier. I had this one day during the break where I was constantly doing something. There was never any time when I wasn’t doing something and now I understand my best friend. She always has to be doing something. She hates having no plans or not doing anything and she always has to be hanging out with someone or just a packed schedule to say the least. And then that one day I completely realized how she felt. I was at her house actually the day before and I slept over at her house. That packed day I left her house around noon and went hiking in the woods with my mom, brother, aunt and uncle for a while. Got back, ate and drank some tea while discussing books I believe. After we went swimming (great exercising this whole day, yes!) and had dinner after. Baking an apple pie was next up after eating dinner (which, btw, was my favourite kind of fish) and then we watched my favourite movie, Super 8 and went to bed well after midnight. Usually I come home and spend the day doing mindless things. Mostly wasting it on the internet, tumblr and facebook will honestly make me fat and unhealthy. It’s not healthy! And I’d like to stop it and do something useful. I mean, knitting took a bit of the useless out of my hobbies, however I knit in front of the tv, so that kind of backfires.

Oh and since I am watching Gossip Girl while I am writing this I’m getting a huge urge to do fashion. Love fashion and I would totally get into the industry (and the art industry), but I’m not extremely creative and basically, I copy things. Oh another reason for me wanting to get a job. To get enough money to actually shop.

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How confusing

Well I’ve started this blog, which I explained in my ‘Me’ page, to document my journeys as I make my way through my teen years. Being in high school there is the huge problem of ‘what do you want to do when you’re older?’. The problem for me is that my answer is always ‘I don’t know’. All my best friends seem to know what they want to pursue after high school. They want to become doctors, surgeons, go into the military etc. and it seems like I’m the only one who doesn’t have a clue.

I love reading and writing and it’s always been a passion of mine. I’d love to publish a book, and perhaps I will one day, but I feel like my ideas and writing is overall, adequate. It’s not a stand-out talent that I have and I can tell because my English teachers don’t ask me to enter contests and whatnot even though they do give me rather high marks on my stories. I guess they don’t see me as that, but they could be wrong about me (I hope).

I love art and drawing, however, just like my writing, my skill in the arts isn’t amazing. It’s nothing that people marvel over and believe that I could succeed well in it. It’s just an average skill that I learned from classes and that I take part of when I’m bored or in the mood to create something.

I love all the arts and culture and stuff, but I also love learning about the world. I like politics and government and I love learning about the hidden secrets in between countries that are unveiled just through talking. I just really love how countries interconnect because it seems like some huge fictional story to me, which is weird because most people wouldn’t see it as that.

And at the end there is my constant love for animals. I love them and I’ve recently started volunteering at the OSPCA in my town. I love being there. It makes me feel important and I love the atmosphere. It reminds me of a hospital actually. I like how everybody wears scrubs and they have key cards to get into the back room which leads to the veterinary spay/neuter clinic where they keep a ton of animals that aren’t ready to be adopted. I’ve been taken to the back rooms to get towels and food and all that for the animals, but I like the atmosphere back there.
Not only that, but I feel so important at the SPCA. I like how I’m relied on to clean up after the animals and introduce them to customers and all of that. And my supervisor, she’s teaching me (taught me I suppose, but it takes a while to remember) how to work the computers so that I can set up adoptions without her having to be in charge of doing it, which is actually a huge responsibility. So I’ve been looking into possibly becoming a vet. I mean, it’s a lot of hard work. I’ve been researching applications and all that and it is so competitive and I’m scared of that. I don’t want it to be so hard! But I suppose if things weren’t hard then you wouldn’t get a sense of accomplishment anyways. My marks aren’t horrible, but they aren’t the best. I want them to be better, but of course I suppose, comparing them to others they’re not too bad. Science, English, Math are the most important and my marks in them so far are above 90 (fingers crossed because I have my exams tomorrow! Ah, hope I didn’t jinx it).

I should actually be studying so I’m going to get off the computer and do that. Yup.